Confetti, Human Design & Following Your Bliss
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” — Joseph Campbell
Last night while eating dinner with my daughter, a car drove by outside making a terrible noise. She asked me if it was the timing belt or the power steering belt, and I replied, “Cars have power steering pumps, not belts. It’s the timing belt.”
“How do you know so much about cars?,” she asked.
I proceeded to share that one summer when I was 15 or 16 years old (I was living in Cheyenne, WY at the time), I stayed with my uncle Jon & his girlfriend in Denver. I worked in Jon’s machine shop to answer the phone, collect payments, and organize the books. Jon built and machined drag racing engines; occasionally, he’d pull me out of the office into the “shop” and teach me about engines, where the parts were located, what they do, how they work with other parts, and why.
“And in driver’s ed class, I had to learn all the engine parts. This was back (pre-electronic engines) in the day when it was important to know what to do if your car broke down. I also had to learn how to change a tire, change the oil, and replace the headlights.”
A grin spread across Marina’s face, and she said, “You know, every couple of days you share something new about yourself, sprinkling it like confetti, like it’s no big deal. I’ve known you my whole life (28 years) and I’m just now finding out things about you that I never knew.”
Yep, I’ve had a fascinating life. And you’re probably wondering why I’m sharing this with you.
I first learned about Human Design in 2016, and it seemed so complicated, I set it aside.
I’ve recently returned to scope out my Human Design chart to better navigate running my coaching business according to my natural inclinations - go with the flow, rather than against, if ya know what I mean?
I’m a pure ⅗ Manifesting Generator (MG) with a Sacral Authority. I’m here to learn and try a lot of different things and say yes to the things that light me up, no to the things that don’t. My sacrum is the place in my body that gives the yes and no.
As a MG, I learn kinesthetically (by doing), and I master things extremely quickly, moving on when I’ve gotten everything I can possibly absorb. I’m not here to do it the long way - I like shortcuts, so if it’s complicated I lose interest. I have massive energy at my disposal - at least when I’m invested in things I’m interested in and passionate about. But wow, do I get drained doing anything I don’t absolutely love.
As a child, I was conditioned to override my natural inclinations. As a result, I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to figure out who I am, what I want to “be” when I grow up - by doing a lot of things I could have avoided if I’d been encouraged to follow my bliss.
I was so disconnected from my authentic yes and no for most of my life that I did a lot of things that weren’t in my highest good (many of which I hated and simultaneously wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t just do life like most other people), simply because I was operating from the conditioning to be “responsible” instead of following what truly lit me up.
To an outsider, MG’s can appear flaky, unsettled, irresponsible, ungrounded. Like a butterfly, flitting from flower to flower (or in my case, hobbies, jobs, classes, workshops, interests). For most of my life, it felt like I was searching for myself, thinking “maybe this one will be IT,” not realizing that I’m not here for that.
I have a wide variety of interests - sometimes seemingly disparate - and I only stay with a “thing” as long as I’m still getting something from it. But once I absorb all I need, I lose interest quickly and am onto the next thing.
I used to feel bad about myself because of this, but learning about my Human Design, I can look back at my life with genuine wonder and awe at all the things I’ve learned, done, tried on, discarded, integrated.
Now, it makes sense why, in 3rd grade, when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I froze, drawing a blank. I hadn’t yet experienced anything, so how would I know?
Another reason I’m sharing all of this is because clients usually express surprise when I reveal things about myself, so this is my way of inviting you to get to know me a little better. Here’s a short list of the things I’ve tried over the years to find my way to who I am.
In elementary school, I wanted to be a writer, storyteller, and actress. Then, the movie White Nights came out and I was fascinated with Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines. I decided I wanted to be a professional dancer.
In junior high & early high school, I became enamored with Rachel McLish, Cory Everson, and Arnold Schwarzenneger. I had posters of them all in my bedroom, and decided I wanted to be a professional bodybuilder. I asked my dad for a home gym & also took a weightlifting class in 10th grade. I also had a crush on the nose guard of our high school’s football team (who was Mr. Junior Wyoming - yes a bodybuilding title). I worked out allll the time. And I was super into nutrition.
Growing up, a few of my dad’s brothers were into race cars, and when I got my driver’s license I had my heart set on becoming a professional race car driver.
In my 20’s (in order of progression), I held the following jobs - physical therapy aide, housewife, legal assistant, travel agent, restaurant server, science lab assistant, sales director, physiotherapy clinic office manager, massage therapist
In my 30’s (in order of progression & occasionally overlapping) - massage therapist, esthetician, energy healer, certified professional coach, somatic trauma therapist
In my 40’s (in order of progression & occasionally overlapping) - receptionist, government employee dispatcher, energy healer, Ordained Interfaith Minister, Certified Professional Coach, somatic trauma therapist, Holistic Pelvic Care™ Therapist, Sexuality & Embodiment Coach, psychotherapist
Several years ago, someone close to me who I thought knew me well - a mentor of sorts - got angry with me because she felt I was unstable (because I’d committed to a collaboration with her and then changed course when the collaboration was no longer in alignment) when in fact, I was simply following my natural inclinations. Her reaction to me being, well… me flooded me with self-doubt that haunted me for years.
However, as I round the bend to complete the last 6 months of my 40’s and approach turning 50 in August, I finally feel like I can embrace my natural tendency to try things on.
There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not flighty or irresponsible. I can finally embrace my desire for novelty, my “gypsy nature,” which has lent itself to creating a reservoir of deep wisdom, groundedness, and incredible depth in my coaching & healing practice.
I’ve learned enough and done enough to know what truly lights me up in an embodied way. It’s hugely gratifying to know I’ve been on track all along, gathering up tidbits from every class, workshop or job, and have integrated all that I’ve learned into the work I now get to call mine - without questioning if it’s authentic or aligned.
The final reason I’ve shared all of this with you is because many of the women who seek me out for coaching share with me that they feel “different,” like they don’t fit in or belong. Sometimes even broken. They do things differently than others, see the world differently, feel things differently - and they’ve internalized “feeling different” as though there’s something wrong with them. They’ve been conditioning to feel badly about themselves, rather than embracing their uniqueness.
All of this cultural conditioning and shaming lands in the nervous system, the muscles and fascia, the digestive system, and the pelvic bowl. I see it every day in women who struggle with anxiety, digestive problems, chronic pelvic pain, jaw tightness, neck tension, menstrual problems, infertility, dissociation during sex, pleasure deficit and feeling guilty for feeling good, prioritizing others over themselves, giving away their power, difficulty feeling comfortable in their bodies, and so much more.
I get soooo freakin’ excited when a woman clears out an imprint that’s told her there’s something wrong with her, has an a-ha lightbulb moment, and creates more space for health and well-being in her body, ease, joy, and flow in her life, and more pleasure.
I’d love to know - where in your life have you felt ‘other,’ wrong, bad, or ashamed for being uniquely you? What things have you done in your life to try to fit in, and in the process, betrayed yourself? What do you desire to release that isn’t “you,” to make room for more of your authentic sparkly magical self? Where do you feel this disconnect from yourself in your body?
XO,
Grace
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